Gossip Girl here . . . I've got the skinny on some GW hanky-panky

I am walking to a friend's house in an apt. technically on GW campus, pass three undergrad females. One says quietly, "I don't remember." Her friend yells, "Is that why you were screaming? I KNEW it was more than just fingering!"

Obama's got his swim cap ready.

A family of tourists walks by the Reflecting Pool. The son says in a concerned voice..."But dad, is that REALLY where the president swims?"

Don't blame me, it wasn't my turn to post.

In line for the bathroom at the Hirshhorn Afterhours:

Girl to her friends: "That's going to be the next chapter of the book - Boys who Text but Won't Have Sex!!"

It's not a recession if you can still afford an escort.

On 14th Street, just north of K.

Man smoking a cigarette outside hotel: "Three's company!"

Man walking by with three scantily clad women on his arms: "But I can barely afford it!"

Wait, there's a difference?

Overheard at bar in Georgetown:

Girl: I prefer shots over alcohol.
Guy: (after thoughtful pause) So, do you prefer Africa the country or Africa the continent?

Biden's already redecorating.

From our eavesdropper:

i was out and about today... and there was a young family walking behind me.
an adorable 4 year old girl spoke up and said "I saw Joe Biden's house today!!"
the dad said "Yeah, I told her that because I couldn't bear telling her that Dick Cheney lived there..."

Metro: Yes we can.

Overheard while transferring from ridiculously crowded Red Line train to ridiculously crowded Yellow Line train at China Town

Woman One: Dammmnnn girl! This Metro so damn c-rowded

Woman Two: Shit yeah. Too many people here.

Woman One: Don’t worry, Obama gonna take care of that.

Not that we're saying the shoe fits or anything. . .

Guy on cell phone: "Did they sell their house?"
::pause::
Guy on cell phone: "Ohhh, they COULDN'T sell the house! ......yeah....that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho!"
::pause::
Guy on cell phone: ".....wait, i didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma...."

Vote for Lando Calrissian!

On the 7B Bus from Park Center to Pentagon, The Conversation of two Obama supporters (young women) who talk like the girls on The Hills.

"I went to Obama's rally in Leesburg, but I couldn't get in, so I stood outside the gate. It was really cool to listen to"
"Yeah, was it crowded?"
"OMG there were so many people there, like, probably 10,000. But everyone was really nice and patient, and didn't push"
"Yeah, McCain's rallies aren't like that. I mean, I've never been to one, but I've heard people say people are mean at them."
"Well, it makes sense. I mean, we're talking about Good and Evil here."
"Yeah."

P.S. If you don't get the subject line:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Perhaps he just enjoys standing in long lines?

Walking down the sidewalk outside the polling place with a woman on a cell phone walking behind me.

Woman on cell phone: "Gurl, I don't even know why James was up in there. He a convicted felon and can't even vote!"

[subject line unrelated to eavesdrop below] EavesdropDC says GO VOTE TODAY!

Group of guys overheard at the Starbucks across from Archives/Navy Memorial Metro:

Guy #1: I'm trying to limit my dairy.
Guy #2: You really can't have any dairy?
Guy #1: Well, I can but I'm not supposed to
Guy #2: So are you staying away from Victoria?
Guy #3: Why? Because she's a cow?

Now I want some Eskimo cheese

Overheard in the break room at a training class:

Woman at table with friends: "Eskimos are really fascinating. Did you know that they almost always have twins?"

Friends shake their heads "no."

Woman: "Oh wait. I mean sheep."

LOL! I mean LOC!

At The Library of Congress,
A girl walking with a boy, turns to him and exclaims..."Look! There are books!!"

Don't even get me started on how he obliterated that burrito...

Overheard, during breakfast, in the cafeteria at the National Counterterrorism Center:

Guy 1: "...but..."
Guy 2: "There are no buts about it! If he were a real man, he'd have eaten that taco. He would have annihilated it."
Guys: Chorus of affirmative noises from the crew at the table...

The drinking games will start AFTER the polls close.

From the teacher at a election-worker training class held by the DC Board of Elections and Ethics:

"Election day will be a long day. Make sure to bring plenty of food and drinks. And by drinks, I don't mean alcohol."

TRICK or treat!

Three guys were talking and one says "...she must have been a prostitute at some point in her life."
--Metro,yellow/green line from Chinatown to Columbia Heights

Yes, but more self conscious

.. Someone holding a small rubik’s cube (but still 3x3 squares on each side)

“You know, I never had luck with the big ones.. maybe the smaller ones are easier”

Folksy remarks from the suburbs

An Office in Mclean:

Woman on the phone: "They're so quiet you could hear a rat piss on cotton!"

Two words, eight letters, three syllables

On orange line towards New Carrollton, flustered, girl with many packages is trying to get off train and bumps into grouchy middle-aged lady

Angry lady: "EXCUSE me is the word!"

Flustered Girl: "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Girl's gay boyfriend: "...Actually, excuse me is two words."

There's a man of real principle.

On Sunday, I overheard three guys walking out of Whole Foods as one of them says:

"I make a policy of not changing my facebook status in the first three months of dating someone."

And that's why we put him on the penny.

Tourist 1: Do you wanna go to Ford's Theatre?

Tourist 2: Whats that?

Tourist 1: Its that place Lincoln shot that one guy....Booth I think?

Tourist 2: Oh.

There's always one smartass, usually it's me...

Girl 1: I'm a huge Alabama fan, what's your favorite team?
Guy 1: Oh I'm not much of a college football fan, I'm a Philadelphia Eagles guy.
(Guy 2 walks up)
Girl 1: And what kind of fan are you?
Guy 2: (pause), I'm an oscillating fan
Girl 1: (silence) ...

Who gets attached to VD?

Coworker #1: I can't stand people who are attached to their Blackberries and BBMs.
Coworker #2: BBMs? What are those?
Coworker #3: Blackberry Messages.
Coworker #4: BBM sounds like a venereal disease.

And my job is to make it rain

On a red line train:

Man to son swinging from pole: "No, Hunter, don't do that, that's Mommy's job."

Marry me!

On the Red Line near Tenleytown

Girl: I'm half Jew, half Aryan, all badass

Men, men, men, manly men, men, men

Construction worker with southern drawl, on speakerphone: Yeah, then we all woke up wearing leotards. Looked like goddamn ballerinas.
Other construction worker: I don't think I'd tell that story.

Starting the week with butt sex

On the platform at the Convention Center Metro stop:
Girl on cell phone: "And he just jammed it up your ass? Damn, bitch, you should have asked for nicer earrings."

Cupcakes are delicious. And that is all.

Girl 1: Are cupcakes carbs?
Girl 2: I don't know. They have flour, and flour's a carb right?
Girl 1: I don't know. It has butter. Is butter a carb?
Girl 3: I thought only bread was a carb.
Girl 2: No. So are things like pasta and rice.
Girl 3: Rice is a carb? I thought rice was a vegetable.
Girl 1: Are you serious?
Girl 3: I've never really thought about it, but if you asked, I would say a vegetable.
Girl 2: No it's definitely a carb.

My second favorite get out the vote strategy

GW (Tuesday before the debate had started), two friends were talking at a table.

Guy 1: Man... debate or class. Debate or class.
Guy 2: You don't know who you're going to vote for yet?
Guy 1: Nope.
Guy 2: Well, if you're still on the fence, then you're a moron and I'd appreciate it if you didn't vote.

Sounds more like he's dressed for a high school dance to us.

To preppily dressed kid in blazer , white button down, and khakis, standing in doorway,
Girl: "You look like you just fell out of Gossip Girl."

Daddy's name is Don Draper.

Liquor Store West End:

Mom with two kids walking into liquor store: "Daddy is going to need this when he gets home"